


Picture Perfect

by Uncomfortable Duck (ScreamingJuiceBox)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex kills himself, John And Alex raise Philip, M/M, Suicide, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:33:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8678743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScreamingJuiceBox/pseuds/Uncomfortable%20Duck
Summary: Alexander had the perfect plan.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me

The Hamilton-Laurens home housed the most perfect family in the neighborhood. They have the perfect marriage, perfect son, the perfect life.

And Alexander had the perfect plan. 

He started by tell John how much he truly loved him every night, then moved to reading Philip bedtime stories. 

Aaron Burr comments that Alexander is the picture perfect father. John goes on a long, almost poetic compliment as to why his Alexander was also just the perfect husband, despite the hours he spent locked in his office. Alexander just smiles and nods. 

Eliza spoils their son with toys, and Philip absolutely loves it when his aunt comes to visit. "Aren't you just the most perfect little boy?" She comments.

"Well, I try." Alexander jokes. Eliza gives him a joking glare.

"My goodness, Alex. I hope that one day I'll be able to have this perfect of a life. You really got it good here." Alexander just offers an awkward smile.

Lafayette has been one of John's best friends since forever, and always tried to stop by when they were in town. "John, mon ami. You have just the most beautiful home. It's perfect, you've done great." They praise. Alexander plays with Philip in the backyard.

One night after the bedtime story, Alexander hugged his young son close. "I love you so much, Philip. You know that, right? No matter what?"

Philip laughs. "Of course I know that, papa! You're squishing me." Alexander eases up.

"You're a strong boy, you'll accomplish so much. You're going to be alright. I love you." Alexander cooed.

Philip giggles, "Papa, I'm tired! I love you too." He kisses his father's nose and flops down onto his bed. "Goodnight!" Philip beams.

"Goodnight, Philip." Alexander stared at his son for a few seconds before turning out the lights. He walked into his own bedroom and kissed his husband's forehead.

"Alexander, I'm trying to sleep." John complained, smiling. He sits up enough to give Alexander a welcome kiss. "Why did you wake me up?"

"Just wanted to say I love you, and that you are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. I'm lucky to have you." 

"Alexander, I already knew that," John complains."It couldn't have waited until morning?"

"No." 

"I love you too." John rolls back over and closes his eyes.

"I'm going to do some work in my office." Alexander informs his husband.

"Don't stay up too late." John mutters.

"I love you."

Alexander has the perfect plan.

\- 

"Is papa eating breakfast with us?" Philip asks, taking a too-big bite of pancake. 

"I'll ask, baby." John ruffles his son's curls and stands up. He knocks on the office door. "Alexander? Won't you join us? Philip wants to see you before school, and I want to see you before work."

"I'm busy." Comes the muffled reply. John sighs and walks back into the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry, Philip. Your father is busy. He loves you though." John offers with a grin. Philip pushes around the eggs on his plate. 

"Is there any way we can leave now?" Philip begs.

"Not dressed like that! You're in your pajamas, Philip Hamilton. You are not going out like that. Maybe we can tame some of that hair after you change." 

"But dad!" Philip complains.

"Don't start. Go on." John falls into his chair while his son skips to his room. John cradles his head in his hands.

He doesn't realize how long he's spaced out like this, and is surprised when his kid taps on his shoulder. "Is this better, daddy?"

John looks over at his son's outfit and nods. "Yes, baby. Now let's focus on that hair." John grabs a hair tie and pulls back his son's unruly curls.

"I look like you, daddy." Philip giggles in delight when he sees the end result. 

"I guess you do. Come on, let's get you to school."

-

When Philip comes home, he runs to Alexander's office, anxious to tell his papa all about his day. 

But when he opens the door he doesn't find Alexander. He finds a man that looks like his father with blood pooling around his head and a gun in his hand.

"Daddy!" Philip screams. "Daddy come here!"

"Baby, I'm swamped with work. Get papa to play with you." John calls back calmly.

"Daddy, oh my God! Come here! Come quick!" Philip is too scared to cry. He doesn't know what's happening.

"Baby, I already told you-"

"Something's wrong with papa!"

John rushes in and screams at the sight. "Alexander!" John drops to his knees at his husband's side. "Son, go grab my phone and call 911. Oh, Alex."

Philip runs out of the office. John pulls Alexander close. "Wake up, Alexander. Please." He cries.

Philip rushes back in, carrying the phone, holding it out for John. "The lady wants to talk to you."

"Hello?"

"This is 911. Tell me your emergency."

"Oh my god." John stares at the blood staining his hand as he cradles his husbands head. 

"Sir?"

"Papa? Daddy, will he be okay?" Philip cries in the background.

"I don't know, baby." He answers his son before turning his attention back to the phone. "Yes, this is John Laurens. I think my husband has attempted suicide. Oh, Alexander."

"What's your address?"

"Alex, please wake up."

"Sir?" He hands the phone back to Philip.

"Alexander please wake up. You're scaring our son." Alexander doesn't wake up. John grips tight to his husband's body and sobs.

Philip reappears at John's side. "She said the ambulance is on it's way. Is papa okay?"

"I don't know, baby boy. Go wait for the ambulance in the kitchen. Alexander, I need you here."

"Is he breathing?"

"Please go wait in the kitchen, Philip." John cries. "Alexander just open your eyes."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, Philip. Now go wait in the kitchen like I've asked. Alexander, stay." John is begging the limp body in his arms.

"Daddy-"

"Philip, for the love of God, son! I don't know anything. Now, just go to kitchen. Alright?" John snaps.

"Yes sir."

"Alexander I need you here. Philip needs you. For the love of God, don't leave us." John's hands and clothes are soaked in crimson.

When the ambulance arrives, the paramedics push John out of the way and start by checking his pulse.

John watched as they tell each other that he doesn't have one. 

Philip runs to John's side and hugs him. John can't tell if his clothes are wet from his sons tears or Alexander's blood.

John watched as they try and restart Alexander's heart.

Philip is saying something to his father. John doesn't answer his son. He thinks Philip is begging for Alexander to be alright.

John watched as the paramedics shake their heads at each other.

John feels Philip fall to the ground. John hears Philip screeching in pain. John sees Philip trying not to cry. 

John watched as the paramedics walk up to him and say something.

John screams and runs to his husband's side. "You son of a bitch. Why? You told Philip you loved him. You promised you loved me." He shouts into Alexander's chest. He feel the paramedics prying him off.

John held his son as he watched as them carry his husband away.

-

Naturally, all of the kids at school had heard about Philip's dad. He told them it was fine, they were doing great.

Eliza started coming over more often. She would play with Philip while John locked himself in his room. She would cook dinner for the young boy and his remaining father.

After a few months spent in isolation. John came out of his room to read his son a bedtime story.

"What do you want to hear, baby?" John asks.

Philip is pouting. "I don't care."

John sighs and sits down on his son's bed. "What's on your mind, kid?"

Philip takes in a deep breath. "I hate him."

John flinches. "Now, Philip-"

"I do. He left, by choice too. I hate him. Why would someone have a child and not care enough about them to stay?"

"Philip, stop that. Your father loved us so much. He adored you." John soothes, pushing down Philip's hair.

"How could you say that? You've been locked up in your room for months because he was too selfish to care about how it would effect you." John stands up.

 

"Goodnight, baby." He chokes out walking out the door and closing it.

He hears his son whisper, "he didn't deserve to be a father," before breaking into tears.

\- 

Philip is in high school when he stops hating Alexander. He realizes that his father didn't leave because he hated his family, he left because he hated everything else. And no amount of hate was going to bring him back.

Around school, people tiptoe around him with caution, just like they always have. He can hear them whisper to new kids, "that's Philip. His father killed himself when he was in third grade." He doesn't need them reminding him what happened.

Philip still sees the sight when he closes his eyes. 

\- 

The Hamilton-Laurens household was one to envy. John had the most handsome son, the beautiful Eliza to help him, everything was fine.

"John, come out of your room."

Everything was fine.

"Philip is graduating today."

Everything was fine.

"We are going out to dinner, wear your best suit." 

Everything was fine.

"I'm not going."

Everything was perfect.

"And why not?"

Everything was perfect.

"Because Alexander isn't."

The Hamilton-Laurens household was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for comments


End file.
